“I’m a strong, independent woman,” I found myself declaring to my husband the other day.
“And, I need help opening this door.”
This admission came begrudgingly, only after I had done everything short of kicking off the wall to put more force than even my body weight behind the effort.
I pride myself on being an independent person, and on being a strong person. I go to the gym and lift weights, with the goal of being able to match the abilities of people much larger than myself (namely, my husband). I’m not the sort to expect help with basic things like opening my own front door.
But, we were in the middle of an unusually cold snap and the door had actually frozen shut. I couldn’t open it.
My husband could.
Then, we went on with our day.
On the surface, this story seems like nothing more than a funny story borne of a somewhat bizarre circumstance. But, I think that much more can be drawn from it.
See, life is full of doors that - similarly to the literally-frozen-shut one attached to my apartment a week ago - can be a little tough to open without help.
It’s this way for everyone at one time or another - one doesn’t need to have a disability in order to face difficulty. But, it’s also unfair to pretend that there aren’t unique challenges which come with the territory of neurological disorders. As a population neurodivergent people are capable of succeeding in any facet of society. But in order to achieve success, neurodivergent individuals must overcome obstacles which are not faced by those for whom systems were designed.
In the case of Tourette Syndrome, this often means learning to interact confidently with others despite tics which can be severe and often socially inappropriate, managing time effectively to accomplish tasks in spite of a malfunctioning executive control brain network, practicing adequate self-care in the face of often-crippling anxiety, and so much more. We have the same intelligence, talents, interests, and drive to succeed as the “normal” population, but utilizing those assets in order to attain success can take much more hard work.
And, it can require asking for support from others.
I didn’t learn how to manage my symptoms all on my own. I had help. I went to therapy to learn how to manage my then-crippling Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and anxiety. My mom worked with me extensively to overcome my challenges with time management and certain memory processes tied to executive control. My dad helped me in math and science courses to find ways around a specific deficit I have in visuospatial reasoning. Even now, my husband helps me to get to work on time by waking me in the morning when my alarm doesn’t (people with TS often have sleep problems, such as my problem with being unable to wake normally from deep sleep).
To put it bluntly: without these supports I would not have been able to function as an independent adult.
But with them, I’ve learned independence and have been able to accomplish so much. I’ve gotten married, graduated from college, and earned a place as a research assistant in a very competitive neuroscience lab, to name just a few things.
I’ve even been able to capitalize on my struggles and turn them into strengths - the very fact that I’ve learned to be the person I am while living with Tourette Syndrome has opened doors for me which never would have existed otherwise. I got through college completely debt-free due to a scholarship which I earned for my participation in Tourette Syndrome advocacy. I’ve had the opportunity to speak before members of Congress, as well as to appear on national television. I am so very grateful for these opportunities, and as odd as it might be to say, I am grateful for Tourette Syndrome in terms of its role in placing me in the path of these opportunities.
So if you are struggling — be it day-to-day with regular life activities, or in the broader scope of planning for your future and bridging the gap between your goals and your current situation — don’t be afraid to ask for help.
You have the ability as a person with Tourette Syndrome to be competent, polished, and well-accomplished. But it’s very likely that you will need some supports in getting there. In fact, needing these supports is normal.
It’s so normal, in fact, that there are entire organizations dedicated to providing this support. The Tourette Association of America (formerly known as the Tourette Syndrome Association) has been an invaluable resource for me, especially as I was growing up. I’ve also found support, both through practical advice and relationships, through online networks such as Tourette Syndrome Support Group. (I've included a more extensive list of resources at the bottom of the page).
If you’re struggling to make the most of the opportunities in your life because of symptoms, reach out. There are people ready and willing to lend a hand.
No matter how strong and independent you are, it’s okay if there are doors that you need help opening.
Resources, by country:
United States:
Tourette Association of America [https://tourette.org/]
Canada:
Tourette Canada [https://tourette.ca/]
Australia
Tourette Syndrome Association of Australia [https://tourette.org.au/]
Ireland
Tourette Alliance [http://tourettealliance.org/]
Online Support Groups:
Tourette Syndrome Support Group [ https://www.facebook.com/groups/tourettessyndromesupport/]
Children With Tourette and Tic Disorders [https://www.facebook.com/groups/kidsandtics/]
Chicks With Tics [https://www.facebook.com/groups/ChicksWithTics/]
Chicks With Tics: Adults Only [https://www.facebook.com/groups/ChicksWithTicsAdults/]
Tourette Syndrome Man Cave [https://www.facebook.com/groups/166122290759083/]
